Texas Hates Porn

Not only does Texas hate the US, but now apparently they hate porn as well.  UT Professor Robert Jensen:

“Pornography is what the end of the world looks like,”

Well, I say bring on the apocalypse!  The Prof continued:

“Jensen warned of potentially graphic descriptions in his lecture, but when he launched into the description of the top five most commonly produced “sexual acts,” many women and several men in the audience looked visibly shocked and disgusted. Four people left the lecture hall”

I’m willing to bet those four guys went straight to their bunks!

But the best part of the article is in the first and only comment:

Porn is what makes this magical world go round. – FapFap

Well done FapFap,well done!

Japan Pledges To Halt Production Of Weirdo Porn

Japan Pledges To Halt Production Of Weirdo Porn That Makes People Puke

“Acknowledging its embarrassment over worldwide outbreaks of violent, uncontrolled regurgitation, the Japanese government apologized Wednesday to the millions of viewers who have been sickened over the past three decades by the revolting depravity of the nation’s pornographic exports.”

Now we all know that the Japanese are real wierdos when it comes to sex, but god damn it when they do something they do it right – they arr fucking efficient!  For example:

So, it would truly be sad if this were true, but it is the Onion.  Read it for your self.

April Fools!

I hate April 1st.  Every year dumb ass people use this day as an excuse to make idiotic jokes and play practical jokes.  Warning to all the pranksters out their: I’m angry, I’m drunk, and am carrying a gun.  Happy April Fucking Fools Day!

Chuck Norris Threatens to Run for President

While on The Glen Beck Program the other night, the American martial arts actor promised that if things became any worse, he would run for President of Texas.

“A country without anal sex or adult toys, but plenty of guns and denim. Holy shit, sounds like hell.” – From Flisted.com

Support Jesus, Buy Our T-Shirts!

I can’t decide if this is down right hilarious or over the top disturbing – probably a mixture of both.  There is a group of disturbed individuals called the Passion for Christ Movement that is marketing their corrupting ideals by selling t-shirts on the inter webs.  Example:

I don’t exactly know how one becomes an ex-masturbator, perhaps by having your arms chopped off?  That’s just about the only method that would work for me.  But then, would I really need so many t-shirts?

Other proposed shirts:

Ex-fornicator

Ex-scat artist

Current bondage king

Christian Dice slept with your girlfriend

Fat Tuesday!

In honor of Mardi Gras, Coed Magazine is celebrating Fat Boobs Day.  This is not for those with heart conditions or a sense of decency.  God, I should be in Rio.

Update: Ok, this is just wrong.  It’s Mardi Gras for Christ’s sake!  I’ll need to link some hot Brazilians or New Orleans flashers.  I’ll get to work.

The Smoking Gun Strikes Again!

The smoking gun has the best mug shot of the year, and possible ever.  Do we really need an explanation for this:

Holy Tits!

Some women in Texas just come back from Brazil with 38KKK breasts.  Thats a whole gallon of silicone in each tit!  This is why I love Brazil:  in Texas there are limits to the amount of silicone that can be used to fill implants, but in Brazil you can do whatever you want!  A gallon of silicone?  Sim!  Three breasts?  Sim!  All you limbs amputated?  Sim, sim, sim, sim!  And they said that everything is bigger in Texas!

Arrest of the Year!

It’s only the second week of the year, but already we have a competitor for the arrest of the year.  Highlights include:

Deputies asked where Henderson was going, and he reportedly said, “I got the serious munchies, and I was driving to Micky D’s for a little snack.”

When they asked if he was alone in the car, he allegedly said, “No, I had a group of midgets with me who ran away when you got here. Yeah, I was (expletive) alone, dude. Do you see anyone else?”

and

“Dude, I don’t blow into long tube-shaped things. You have at it if you like blowing.”

Midgets, munchies, and blow job jokes all on a mere 0.23?  Give that dude some Jager and lets see what comes out of his mouth!  Full report available at The Niagara Gazette.

I came in the rain

Go explode on the road. Screw it just witness the genius.